We did not change as we grew older;
we just became more clearly ourselves.
First, I’d like to thank Tracey at Notes from A Cottage Industry for letting all of us hitch our wagons to hers. She is so generous to share her readers! So welcome to all of you that have stopped by via Tracey’s blog. I’m glad to have you here and hope you stick around and do a little exploring. And, of course, I’d love to read your comments, have you visit my Etsy shop or become a fan of my facebook page. :) Just sayin’!
Some of you may remember my Word of the Year post back in January. I love the idea of having a word of the year to guide me. Obviously it was not my ‘invention’…this Word of the Year thing. It was an idea I got from reading Christine Kane’s blog. Love her blog by the way…you really should check it out (after you’re done reading mine, of course!). Anyway, now that the first quarter of 2010 has passed I thought I’d reflect a little bit on my word. As a reminder, my word for 2010 is CHANGE.
And there have definitely been changes. Big changes. First the loss of my father-in-law and then the passing of our beloved Lucky. I never would have guessed back in January that by spring we would be living without our faithful friend. It’s been almost 3 weeks now and still I expect him to greet me every morning and I look for him in the window when I arrive home from work. The jingle of his dog tags that used to drive me crazy has now been replaced by deafening silence. He started out as Ceara’s dog (she begged and begged until we finally gave in) but as the years passed and the kids grew older and began spending more time away from home, he was never far from my side. He could often be found laying in my studio amidst my scrapbooking supplies (yeah, I tend to stack things all over the floor when I’m working). He never chewed one thing and would always walk carefully around piles of paper so he wouldn’t wrinkle them! Oh, such a good dog! So all of us have had to adjust to this change. And, I must admit that I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.
Although I miss Lucky terribly, I’m not in a huge hurry to get another dog. Part of the reason I haven’t committed to bringing another dog into our home is that for the first time in 27 years of married life I am finally in a place where I do not have a step-child, a child or an animal to take care of on a daily basis. It’s kind of liberating. Actually, it’s VERY liberating! Now, that’s not saying that I don’t miss my kids….but I get to see my girls usually at least once a week at the college and I see Elliot every few months. It’s part of the deal…they grow up and get to have their own lives. And I get to spend some time contemplating what’s next for me.
This change to the empty nest phase of my life has been easing in for a couple of years…but the past few months it has settled into my soul and created a home. I’ve been taking better care of myself and changing the way I eat. Now I consciously decide if a food is something I want to put in my body or not. No more consuming junk just because it’s what’s available or convenient. I still have a ways to go in my own personal “food revolution” but for the first time in….well, EVER…my head is in the game when it comes to food and my eating habits. It’s no longer just about weight loss…but more importantly, about living a healthy life.
Other changes that have occurred since the first of the year are a bit more subtle. Probably completely undetectable to others at this point…but very real to me. For the first time in a very long time I am beginning to see ME. To feel MY thoughts and to dream MY dreams. For so many years I have been a wife, a mom, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a co-worker and a student. I’ve done the things I was supposed to do and followed the path I was expected to follow (well, sort of!). And somewhere along the journey I had lost ME. So now in the quiet of my house…without music lessons, track meets, dance lessons and play practice to run to, I’m starting to discover what makes ME sing.
I don’t know…I thought I’ve been changing…but maybe I am just finally becoming a clearer, truer vision/version of ME.